


His Hand

by OmissionSoul



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Crenny-one sided(?), Heartache, Heavy Angst, Longing, M/M, Yearning, such heavy angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 02:23:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmissionSoul/pseuds/OmissionSoul
Summary: The name of the boy that brought Kenny all these feelings of joys and wonders was, Craig Tucker. It was Craig Tucker, that showed him what a real crush felt like as it evolved into more. And it was Craig Tucker, that also broke and shattered it, into a million pieces.





	His Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a mini playlist I made for this short fic:
> 
> 1.[Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ogmgeu4oSI)
> 
> 2.[The Script -Breakeven](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFLru5OFtMI)
> 
> 3.[Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbkvLYrEvF4)
> 
> 4.[Coldplay - Shiver](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujbS9mHRXDw)
> 
> 5.[Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2iDpID2cQ8)
> 
> 6.[Paramore - All I Wanted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7nmB20qJv4)
> 
> 7.[Stone Cold - Demi Lovato](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKrUsa5loTU)

* * *

It was in 3rd grade when the inklings of it emerged in Kenny. The small skips and beats he would occasionally get whenever a boy in a blue chullo hat would talk to him, or be near. At first Kenny thought nothing of it. Only thinking that it was some minor side effect that formed from his constant deaths and rebirths. So he ignored it for most of 3rd grade. However, once 4th grade came around, the feeling seemed to grow and linger as the year progressed. It wasn't until he was partnered with the blue chullo boy on a field trip, did he notice it in full.

The way the boy's hand fit in his, or how he leaned in a bit closer to see what was next to Kenny. It was then, when the boy was leaning in so close to him, did the first thought of how he thought the boy was cute pop in to his mind. The next time he got it, was when he helped filmed animals with the boy to get back at his friends. He'd noticed the smile the boy got on his face while filming the animals sitting there, or trying to get just the right angle of them. The boy would be so wrapped up in his concentration, that the tip of his tongue would sometimes poke out because of it. Which Kenny couldn't help but think was cute. Actually, he ended up noticing it a lot whenever the boy would concentrate to hard on the task at hand, or what he was doing. One time, Kenny even got caught staring at him because of it.

Sometimes the two would hangout when their friend groups would merge together temporarily, or sometimes it would be at lunch, or outside at recess, or even after school. At some point after they had played a game, involving a magical stick in it, the two strangely started to become closer friends. And they found that whenever either of their friend groups did anything ridiculous, the two of them would start listing off all the ways it could go wrong to each other in secret before laughing at how things actually would backfire.

They started hanging out at one another's houses, playing games and stuff and talking about things in common like shows, movies, games, food and music. They even started to have sleepovers, which sometimes Kenny's younger sister would come along as well to hangout with the younger sibling of the boy's as well. And the two girls would stay up all night giggling about stuff in the next room over, while Kenny and the boy would stay up most of the night counting the star stickers on the ceiling of his bedroom, or add on new ones to create new constellations among them. Eventually, the two would fall into a deep lull in the sea of glowing stars that surrounded them.

Everything was going well between them and that feeling continued to grow with each passing day that the two were together and grew more close. They always talked to one another when they needed advice, or someone to vent to. It was nice, being able to be that close with someone and who Kenny could trust.

The name of the boy that brought Kenny all these feelings of joys and wonders was, Craig Tucker. It was Craig Tucker, that showed him what a real crush felt like as it evolved into more. And it was Craig Tucker, that also broke and shattered it, into a million pieces.

It started with a rumor. At first, little whispers that Craig and another person, a boy, named Tweek, were secretly dating each other behind doors. But Kenny knew this not to be true. Because if they had been, Craig would've surly told him, so he paid no mind to it. Then the pictures of artworks started to pop up and the rumor grew stronger. When Kenny went to ask him about it, being concerned and confused, Craig seemed just as confused about it all as he was, if not also a bit mad.

He even went to try and put a stop to it, but it continued to grow and spread beyond the school, only getting stronger. So in a desperate attempt to get out of it, he decided to stage a fake breakup with the boy in question. This is what he told Kenny the day before it happened while they were hanging out. When the time came, it went alright, up until the other he was talking to started to get much to into his role and practically threw Craig under the bus for everything. As Tweek walked off , Kenny saw a smile form across his features, while Craig stood there shocked underneath everyone's gazes of anger, sadness and disgust, none of them able to believe that he could do such a horrible thing.

Kenny tried to talk to him as he left, but Craig walked right past him, as if he were somewhere far off, somewhere where the harsh looks he got, couldn't reach him. For a while after that, Kenny didn't see him at school, as a dark cloud felt like it hung in the sky. When Kenny did see him again though, he wasn't alone. He was walking down the hall, holding Tweek's hand.

Confused by it and what happened, Kenny goes to speak with Craig. When he does, Craig tells him it was only temporary and that it was just until the town and others moved on to something else. Kenny chooses to believe him and they go about their day. But that day turned in to a week, then a month, then a year, and Kenny slowly started to realize that they were actually together as time passed.

He could tell in how they held hands when no one was around, or how they would laugh at the jokes that they shared and the small whispers of secrets they had at the lunch table, or the way they would look at each other. How Craig would  _look_  at him and Kenny would feel a tight tinge of pain in his chest because of it.

The two eventually started calling each other pet names and spending more time together than with everyone else. A part of Kenny wanted to hate Tweek for taking Craig away from him, but he couldn't bring himself to do so, because he knew Tweek wasn't bad, despite how much he wished he was, he was not. There was a brief point where the two of them broke up, during a game of superheros and Tweek had chosen to join Kenny's team and not be around Craig because of it. And it was when Tweek joined Kenny's team, did Kenny get to know Tweek more, and a part of him had started to understand why it was that Craig seemed to like him so much.

He learned of how caring about others Tweek was, how sympathetic he could be, and worry over others possibly getting hurt. He learned a lot about what Craig and him would do during their free time as he ranted on about him once during their breakup and how, despite him being mad at him, he still cared and missed him. The topic hurt Kenny to talk about, but regardless, he tried his best to give his advice on what might help the two work things out if he were to try and talk to him again.

Eventually, by the time the game was over, the two reconciled and got back together. Tweek had thanked Kenny for the advice and his listening to him and Kenny gave a small smile in return. But as he saw Tweek go off and join up with Craig, his smile fell, watching as the two of them walked off hand in hand down the hall.

After that though, Kenny tried to distance himself as best as he could from either one of them, as it only grew more painful to see them together. During the duration of Craig and Tweek's relationship, the two went through a lot of ups and downs throughout it and Kenny thought that they might end up breaking up again quite a few times because of it. At one point in 5th grade they do, not because they wanted to, but because they had to. Tweek's family was moving out of town to increase their business, so they had to say their goodbyes and let go.

Craig did not take it well.

Kenny remembered how despite Craig's best efforts to hide it, he could tell Craig had cried the nights before the school days came and went, by the redness around his eyes and how he wanted to be left alone. It was like this through most of 5th grade, until Craig's younger sister came up to Kenny at school one day and asked if he could try talking to him. When he asked her why, she told him that when the two of them hung out before, Craig was really happy afterwards. Adding on that he helped him go through some things when their household wasn't in the best state, even if he never said it. After being told that, Kenny agrees to try and talk with him. He couldn't deny that he was also worried about Craig as well, if not, also missed him too. So when the end of the day arrived, Kenny went up to Craig and asked if they could go somewhere and talk for awhile, like before. Craig is hesitate at first but agrees to it.

They talk and that one conversation turned into many more, as Kenny eventually gets Craig to open up piece by piece with each passing one. Kenny carefully helps him pick up the pieces and put them back together, through knowing nods and pats on the back. Then the final piece is put back, when Craig just spills everything out and cries in front of him, no longer able to hold it in. Kenny wraps his arms around him, as Craig turns into his shoulder and let's all of his restricted feelings wash away with his tears. When he finishes letting go of it all, Craig thanks him for listening and being there for him, and Kenny returns it with a gentle smile.

After that, the two start to become close again.

Their friendship grows as the years pass by and they go through high school. Kenny tries his best to push his feelings down and keep them at bay, but when they start to become close again, they hit him in full force and don't stop no matter how hard he tries. It proved to be even more difficult when they were alone and Craig would talk about his interests and smile at him. A smile that would make his heart skip whenever he saw it, or the occasional times their hands touched when they would take something out of the other's hand. Or when his leg would accidentally touch Craig's while they sat next to each other.

But out of all those times, there was one time that proved to be the most difficult for him. One year, while the two had gone camping during a summer trip, Kenny had woken up to Craig lying next to him, a mere half a foot away. His face was towards him, and Kenny could hear the soft breathing from Craig as he slept. The sun was just starting to rise, as it illuminated one side of the tent wall and seeped into the tent itself. Even with the early sunlight, Kenny could clearly make out Craig's features, and the longer he looked at them, the more he got the urge to want to touch them. His eyes focused on one of the features and stayed there. Craig's lips were so close to him, that he could just lean forward and press his own lips onto his. The thought being so strong, that Kenny subconsciously starts to lean in forward towards him. But he stops when Craig's warm breath brushes against his lips, suddenly becoming aware of what he was about to do. For a few moments, he just stays there, now only mere centimeters away from his lips. Heart rate racing and body starting to burn, knowing that if he did it, Craig would never know. But, despite however strong the temptation may be to do so, he doesn't. Because he liked being around Craig. Even if only as friends, and even if that thought hurt, he didn't want to do something that could taint it. So with all of his restraint, he pulls away and turns over in his sleeping bag, burying the thoughts.

Things carry on in to their 11th grade, as the two found themselves walking down a sidewalk, sharing small conversation about that day's events. As they continue down it, they come across an old building that was out of business before, but seemed to have opened up again. When the two get closer to it, they see someone walk out of it carrying a box under their arm. As the person exits the building, Craig stops in place and Kenny looks at him curiously. When he looks back at the person, slow realization creeps up his spine as he sees that it's Tweek holding the box. The air becomes heavy with awkwardness, but Tweek offers a somewhat half smile and wave. Craig doesn't return it and instead just stares at him, seeming unsure of what to do. Not wanting things to become even more awkward, Kenny waves back. After he does, they walk over to Tweek and ask him what he's doing back, to which Tweek tells them it's because things didn't quite turn out the way his parents thought it would, so they decided to go back to their roots. The conversation goes on to end a short while later as Kenny could read the subtle mixed emotions appearing on Craig's face.

When they part from Tweek and get some ways away, Craig confesses that some old emotions raised up while talking to him. At that, Kenny feels an old familiar tinge appear on his chest again as he asks what he means by that and Craig says he's not too sure exactly. For a moment, Craig looks at him, like he wants to say more, but he doesn't and instead looks away, continuing their walk home until they eventually part ways.

When the new school day arrives, Tweek of course goes to their high school and is welcomed back pretty warmly by everyone. There still seemed to be an awkward air around him and Craig though when they would interact. And for a while they don't speak to one another, not until Kenny sees them after school one day by the field. He watches as Tweek rushes to catch up to Craig, stop him, then talk to him. He sees them exchange a few words before they part and go about their ways.

The next day during school, Craig tells Kenny that Tweek wants to hangout with him after so long. At first Kenny tenses, the fear he had buried long ago, now starting to rise again. But he ignores it. Instead he does what any supportive friend should do and tries to give Craig positive outlooks about it. He asks if Craig missed him at all, which Craig nods at a bit and Kenny says that maybe he should talk with him again then. After all, he had been so sad when he left before, as Kenny was sure Tweek was of him. There's a long pause before Craig eventually nods in agreement to that and decides to go and talk with him.

At first a sense of nervousness concerns Kenny about Craig staring to talk with Tweek again, but when nothing more then conversations are shared between the two, Kenny feels it fade. And it stays stalled until the 12th grade comes along.

It's a day like any other, when Craig walks up to Kenny at the field in the school yard and sits down next to him. They talk about typical stuff, until Craig starts to bring up things from the 4th grade. When Kenny points it out, Craig looks down in distant thought.

"He asked if we should go out."

Were the words the words that came out of his mouth next. As soon as Kenny hears them, something inside drops.

"Oh." Is the only response he gives.

When Craig asks for his thoughts about it, Kenny, as much as he wanted to tell him how he truly felt, he instead puts on a mask and smiles, telling him to go with what he felt best. And that no matter what, he would support him. For a split second, Kenny thinks he sees the corner of Craig's mouth tug down, before it curls up into a small smile. They talk a bit more and Craig thanks him for the advice, before getting up to leave. As Kenny watches him go, every fiber in him was telling him to get up and chase after him, to stop him from what he was about to do. But he doesn't, because he's his friend, and he knows that he's nothing more than that, so he doesn't go and doesn't ruin the friendship he so carefully cared and nurtured over the years. He doesn't go and instead decides to carry on with the mask he used to hide his pain.

A few days after that, the news spreads that Craig and Tweek are dating again. This time though, Kenny can tell that it won't be like when they were kids, he knew that this time, it was going to be much different than the last, but Kenny keeps on smiling. Smiling when they sat at the lunch table with everyone, smiling when Tweek would be there to hangout after school with them, smiling when they would go to the movies or a fast food place to chat, smiling when he saw them holds hands and walk around town, smiling as they would call each other new pet names and he played along saying they were cute, smiling when the two would cuddle into one another and smiling when he saw them share a brief exchange of a wordless kiss between them.

He continued to smile throughout all the pain, like a coping mechanism it had become to him by this point, or an automatic response. Kenny would sit and listen and nod as Craig would go on and on about Tweek to him and all the new and old interests the two both shared and didn't. Kenny would watch as Craig's smile was directed at Tweek once again, and watch as Tweek returned one back equally. And through it all he kept himself together pretty well.

That is until the night of a party came along.

Things were getting too loud for Kenny's liking downstairs in the heart of the party, so he heads upstairs to get away from it and looks for a vacant room. He comes across one that has a balcony in it and decides stands out on it to clear his head and take in the cool night air.

While he takes in a few cold breaths, and the music slowly tunes out and his mind flows to elsewhere. However, it comes back when he hears something move around in the room behind him. Curious, he looks into it and sees two shadows moving in the darkness of it. When he realizes what's going on, he tries to slip past, not wanting to disturb them. But he freezes in place when he hears Craig's name panted out. He is spotted a couple seconds later from the friction being created on the other side of the room, and faintly hears his name being said by an all to familiar voice, asking him what he was doing there.

Kenny stands still, his mind blank and his insides churning in on themselves as he struggles to keep them inside. When his name is called again, he suddenly finds it hard to breathe. He wanted to slip into his mask and make up an excuse and leave as quick as he could, but he couldn't, not this time. No, the pain was much too strong, suffocatingly so, and he felt like he was drowning as the world around him started to come crashing down.

His heart had stopped working, he swore it did, and he wanted to scream, scream everything he felt and thought so that maybe in some way shape or form, it would be loud enough to reach the boy he was so in love with. Scream so that maybe by some miracle his feelings would reach his heart and he might also feel the same way he did. Kenny tenses as Craig steps into the dim light from the windows, and approaches. His hair tousled about in a mess and shirt gone with pants unzipped. Kenny's breathing stops then. He looks at Craig, who watches him back with concern and confusion for a moment before his and Kenny's gazes are drawn over at Tweek, who looked as equally messy as Craig.

The moment Kenny sees him, something falls down his cheek. A tear. One single involuntary tear rolls down his cheek and falls from his chin. Craig asks if he's okay when he spots it and Kenny quickly finds himself wanting to get out, needing to, he didn't want Craig to see him like this, he didn't want him to find out that he was the source for his strange behavior right now, he couldn't have him find out—no, he was much too afraid of that. Because if he did, it would mean possibly losing him because of it, and he didn't want that to happen. He needed to undo this, he needed to disappear and erase this from ever happening so as to not be asked about it later.

Kenny looks around in a quick panic and his gaze falls back onto the balcony. The next thing he knows, he rushing back over to it and getting up onto the railing. Craig quickly rushes out after him, shouting at him to stop whatever he was about to do. He grabs onto Kenny's arm, but Kenny shoves him back. Craig quickly wraps his arms around him and pulls him down from it as he tries his best to hold him in place. Kenny yells at him to let go, but Craig refuses to, and instead tightens his hold even more around him. A few more moments of struggling go by, before Kenny starts to calm down. Once he does, Craig asks him what the hell is wrong, and why he was about to do that. But Kenny doesn't reply. So Craig asks again a bit more calmer, but irritated, still Kenny says nothing. A few more seconds pass, and Craig let's out a sigh next to Kenny's ear as he rests his chin on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

The tone is hushed, and Kenny isn't expecting it to have been so close to his ear. He surpasses the urge to shudder at the warm breath on his cool skin, and leans his head away.

"Why are you crying?"

Another hushed question asks, as Craig turns to speak into Kenny's ear more. The sensation of warm breath dancing against Kenny's ear and cheek, cause him to try and pull away again. He didn't want to be in this situation, he didn't want Craig holding him this way, or to feel his warmth pressed against him, not while his heart ached and his eyes betrayed him. It was painful, this was all too painful. He struggles to get away, but as soon as he does, Craig's hold tightens again.

"Kenny, just tell me what's wrong! Please!" Craig says, his voice cracking a bit on the last word.

"I can't!" Kenny manages to gets out.

"You can't what?!" Craig repeats back.

Kenny grabs at his wrists and tries to pry them off of him, but Craig keeps them in place.

"Us!"

"Huh—what about us?!" Craig asks back confused.

"I don't want to taint us!" Kenny practically screams.

"Wha— What do you mea— "

Kenny manages to pry himself lose enough from Craig's grip, before he elbows him in the jaw and sends him back some feet. Kenny rushes to the railing once again, before looking back at him.

"I'm sorry, but it hurts too much," Kenny says softly.

"What does?!" Craig asks, fear taking over his features as he tries to reach him again.

"Being in love with you," Kenny replies with a hurtful smile.

He sees Craig's eyes widen as he halts in place for a second, before Kenny looks forward again and takes a step off the railing and begins his decent down to the pavement below. The last thing he thinks he hears, is Craig's horrified voice calling after him, before he hits the cement and fades into the dark.

When he comes back to earth, awaking in his bed the following day, the events of the night before play out in his mind and he finds the tears coming back in full force as he rolls over onto his side and let's them spill out. He misses a few days of school before heading back to it. Nobody really asks where he was, except for Craig, who asks what happened to him during the party and where he went, having forgotten about his death and the events that took place prior to it, like everyone else usually did.

Kenny is able to put on his mask this time however and tells him that he left early because he wasn't feeling well and asks Craig how the rest of his night went. Craig tells him he went off with Tweek after to someplace quiet then trails off as a faint flush appears over his face, and Kenny tries his best not to let the bitterness he felt leak through the cracks of his now damaged mask. He changes the topic on to something else then, no longer wanting to talk about it anymore.

As more time passes, graduation quickly approaches and the next thing he knows, it's time to leave high school. As the day arrives and everyone goes about getting ready behind the stage as things are getting set up, Kenny looks around spotting Craig, and sees him giving a smile to Tweek as he stood next to him and Tweek giving one back just as bright. Kenny watches Craig as he starts to think over everything that's happened till then, everything involving the two of them.

He thinks of how they used talk and stay up all night as kids, the animal films they made, the games they played and shows they watched. The star stickers and that stupid game with the stick. The time they went camping and how a part of him wished he would've just kissed him then, if only once and kept it as a secret never to be told. And all the things he wanted to say but knew he never would. All of these memories and the one he treasured over the rest, the one where they went on that field trip and held his hand.

He never wanted anything more than to hold it again, but he knew he wouldn't ever be able to hold it again. Because it now belonged to someone, and Kenny can't help but look at the interlocked fingers of the boy he loved so much, now holding another's hand. He looks away when that feeling of tinge that never left him, starts to rise. He swallows it away though, because this was the path he chose, this was what he told himself was best for him and Craig. And that he needed to stop wondering about the unknown and move on. Because Craig was happy and he could see it in how he spoke to Tweek or how he talked about him to others. There was no denying it, what else could it be?

As Kenny glances back at Craig, he sees Tweek lean in and give him a quick peck, before he smiles and Craig returns it as they both laugh. Kenny wished Craig would've looked at him like that, if only once in his life, but he knew that he never would, because he was only his friend, and that smile was for someone else, someone who made him happy. And even if it hurt, if that someone else who wasn't him, made Craig happy, then he was okay with that.

He sees Craig look at him then, pausing for a few moments before a slow small smile appears and he gives a wave. As long as Craig was happy and he could go on being that way, then he could live with it, that's what Kenny told himself as he lifted up a hand and returned the wave and smile back at him.

Even if their paths went down different ways as time progressed, it would be okay. Because he was happy for him.

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, If you are interested in Crenny as much as I am, come and join the Crenny discord!  
> All Crenny shippers are welcomed! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Crenny Discord Link](https://discord.gg/P2hC3Ww)


End file.
